


Somewhere to Begin

by LoneStorm



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Don't worry, Eventual Fluff, F/M, Happy Ending, He gets better, Hurt/Comfort, Romance, Some depression, originally written for the first ever FT angst week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2019-02-13 06:18:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12977886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoneStorm/pseuds/LoneStorm
Summary: It had been over since Natsu had picked up that bat... At least, until Lucy Heartfilia took his hand.





	1. Chapter 1

“What have you _done?!_ ”

Natsu stood over the scene in horror, gaze flicking between his two cousins.  Sting and Rogue were still staring at the unconscious man on the ground with blood slowly oozing from a hard blow to the head.  Their eyes were wide uncomprehending as Rogue let the bag he was holding drop to the ground.

“He-he’s not dead,” Sting said quietly, face paper white.  “I-I checked…”

“What is this crap?” Natsu hissed, gesturing to the bag.

“We-we weren’t going to use the drugs!” Rogue said in defense.  “We were going to sell them, to help out you and Gajeel make some money to take care of Wendy…”

“By becoming criminals?” Natsu snarled, grabbing him by the collar.  “We don’t want dirty money!  If police find this, you’ll be sent to jail, and the rest of us will be put off to foster homes!  What the hell were you thinking?!  Just because we live on the streets doesn’t mean you have to be immoral delinquents!”

“We just… We just…”

“Was it just this guy?  Or did he have friends?” Natsu asked, glancing around the dark alleyway.  He knelt down, re-checking the guy’s pulse.  Maybe he would get the kids clear, call an ambulance...

Sting bit his lip.  “W-well there was one more, but since he’s a dealer I’m sure he wouldn’t tell…  We came up from behind when we hit him and the other guy ran before he saw our faces.”

Too late -- sirens blared in the distance.  Natsu cursed.  He could already see the cop car screeching around the corner.  If they all ran, the police would search the area until they caught all three of them.

Natsu looked to his cousins.  Twins, only two years younger than himself.  Only twelve years old.  They were stupid hoodlums, but he knew that deep down, they’d meant well.  

He gritted his teeth.  Since all of their parents were dead and gone, these kids were his responsibility.  He had to ensure their future.

No matter what.

“Listen, Sting, Rogue,” he breathed as the cop car came closer.  “I need you to give me that bat you used and run.  Get out of here, as fast as possible.”

“Wh-why?” Sting said, twisting his hands as he looked up at his cousin.

“Just do it, will ya?  Tell Gajeel and Wendy _exactly_ what happened and no one else.  If anyone else asks you about this, tell them I did it.  Take care of each other.”

“Are you…” Rogue said slowly.  The police car had pulled to a stop.  “Are they going to… arrest you?”

“Don’t worry about me!” Natsu commanded, pointing to the other end of the alley as he grabbed the bat.  “Get outta here, dammit!”

“But-”

“GO!”

Backing away fearfully, they slowly broke into a sprint, following his orders and disappearing around the corner of the building.  Natsu gripped the bloody bat more tightly, turning to face the police rushing out to clap his wrists in steel cuffs.

* * *

**_Four Years Later…_ **

 

Though he’d been dealing with it for two years, Natsu was getting rather sick of the wide berths given to him in the school hallways.

He rolled his eyes and he tugged out his math book and shoved it into his bag from his creaky locker.  Students still glared and skirted around him quickly.  As if he were going to pull a baseball bat from his locker and club them all where they stood.

Natsu hiked up his backpack, ignoring the stares that never seemed to go away.  The whispers of _“stay back”, “juvenile delinquent”, “psycho”, “why isn’t he still in juvie?”, “bet he’s gonna go shoot himself up”_ followed him down, but he tried not to focus on it, and instead on the path to his next class.

Breathing out heavily, he ruffled up his rosy pink hair, settling himself into a seat in the back corner of the English class.  The seat beside him remained empty as always, but he didn’t hardly mind.  His eyes were fixed on something that had already taken all of his attention.

It was her again.  The only reason he didn’t hate this class.  She sat in the front row with her friend and Gajeel’s girlfriend, Levy.  She often wore a smile, a ribbon in her golden hair.  Her brown eyes seemed warmer when she laughed.  Natsu knew he shouldn’t be pining after a girl of her high social standing, or a girl at all, for that matter, but he couldn’t help but at at least admire Lucy Heartfilia from afar.

She glanced behind her.  He looked away.

She looked at the board.  He glanced back.  

Natsu sighed, resting head in his arms.  He wondered what it would be like to talk to her, if for only a moment.  Would she think he was a criminal, like everyone else?  He knew she was kind, but to that extent?

Turning his gaze to the foggy window, Natsu knew it was best not to risk it.  His chances to have his feelings accepted by Lucy had been over ever since he’d picked up that bat.

* * *

Despite how he was sure he had no chance with a girl, Natsu was a hopeful person.  He’d slaved for the last two years to catch up in school, keep his grades up, and work at mastering his love for painting.  Surely there would be an art school that would give him a new start.  

And this class was going to get him there.

Natsu swept some finishing touches on his piece in Advanced Placement Art Studio, scanning the rest of the room.  There were a lot of talented kids, but Natsu had bought art lessons for the last two years.  Surely with his portfolio they couldn’t turn him down…

Of course, Gray Fullbuster was also applying there.  And as much as Natsu didn’t like to admit it… Gray was good.  His sculptures made the teacher swoon, and the rest of the student body for that matter.  But there was no reason the Crocus University of Fine Arts couldn’t accept them both.

“Very interesting tone contrast, Natsu,” the teacher praised as she walked along.  He felt his heart lighten; the art teacher was the only one in this school, other than his cousins, that acted like she cared.  “Can you explain to me the meaning behind this?”

“Em,” Natsu said uncertainly, cocking his head.  They’d been instructed to make some form of self-portrait; some students went for the three dimensional, but Natsu stuck to his specialty.  He’d painted a head on point of view, split face of warm colors on the left and cool on the right.  On the left he bore horns and slitted pupils -- on the right, was just… him.

“A… society viewpoint versus reality?” Natsu tried, hoping it sounded intelligent.  

“That’s what I was thinking you meant to do.”  She smiled.  “Very good work.”  The teacher walked away.

Before he could touch up the eye on the right, the bell rang, and it was lunch time.

Natsu had always hated lunch time.

Not that he didn’t enjoy food.  No, the food part was definitely a plus, with his meals made by his little cousin and foster sister, Wendy.  And he did have a few people that sat by him despite the uneasy looks they gave.  But he’d never been an introvert, and being a people person with a lack of people could get lonely.

Gajeel sat at their usual corner table, digging into his own lunch bag, when Natsu sat down next to him.  Maybe they’d never gotten along the best, but at least Gajeel didn’t flinch at the sight of him.  Neither did Wendy, Cana, Levy, Erza, and Gray, who sat next.  Well, he fought Gray about three times a week, but Natsu at least knew it was because they hated each other’s guts rather than Gray judging him for his time in jail.

“Hey, Lev?  About that project for sociology,” came a voice from over his cousin’s fat head, and Natsu looked up to see… his breath caught.  It was her.  Lucy.

 _Oh hell, she’s like, within five feet of me,_ Natsu internally choked, eyes flicking up to her and then back down. _Holy shit, holy shit…_

The two girls talked for a while, and Natsu tried not to look at her too much.  That would just be creepy.

“By the way, hi, Gajeel,” Lucy greeted with a smile.  

He only nodded back.  “Bunny girl.”

She rolled her eyes and then… o _hmygosh she’s looking at me,_ Natsu thought frantically, eyes widening as they met hers.  He wondered what he should do.  Should he say hi?  Would she be creeped out?  Was she already scared of him like everyone else?  He should probably say nothing at all-

“Hi, Natsu, right?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.  Some hair tumbled off of her shoulders.   _Holy.  Shit._

“Y-yeah,” he managed.  “Hello.”  Then he stared back down at his bag quickly.  He knew people got annoyed or scared if he talked to them too long.

She ended up giggling, and he winced.  What had he done that was funny?  Was it his hair or scarf or-

He heard Lucy begin to whisper.  Often people thought Natsu couldn’t hear them, but he happened to have rather good ears…

“He’s always so shy and quiet,” she was saying softly.  

“At his house, he never shuts up,” Levy responded from the side of her mouth, still whispering.

“You’ve been to his house?”

“He’s Gajeel’s cousin.  And foster brother.”

“Ooh.  He never says anything in class…  Wasn’t he in juvie at some point?”

Natsu gritted his teeth, gripping his bottle.  Of course it had to come to that…

“Yes… but he’s really a nice guy.  They don’t talk about it much.  He’s just a total puppy, actually.  He likes animals and he’s an amazing artist.”  Natsu felt his face grow rather warm.

“Really?  That’s so-”

“You two know he can hear ya, right?” Gajeel interrupted gruffly, taking a vicious bite of an apple.

They clapped a hand over their mouths in unison.  Natsu glanced up quickly and back down, while Cana laughed openly.  

“S-sorry,” Lucy stammered, standing and twisting her hands.  “Th-that was rude of me… Hey Lev, my backpack is over there with the rubric -- come along?”

“Sure!” Levy squeaked, seemingly anxious to leave as well.

They scurried off, and Gajeel scoffed, “Women.”

But when the bell rang for class, Levy hurried up to Natsu with a sly smile.  “By the way… Even though she’s my best friend and I’m breaking girl code, I figured you’d like to know.”  Natsu furrowed his brow as Levy stood on her toes to whisper in his ear, “Lucy says she thinks you’re really cute.”

He’d never felt his eyes wider.  Or his grin.  “Really?”

“I think her exact words were ‘Somehow he’s both adorable and a hot piece of ass at the same time’.”

“I’ll take that.”

On his way out of school that day, a few people had tried to trip him and he had several insults thrown his way, but Lucy Heartfilia said had he was cute -- nothing could ruin his day.

* * *

Correction -- _almost_ nothing could ruin his day.

He’d forgotten his portfolio; Gildarts had wanted to see his latest works, and Natsu refused to ever disappoint his foster dad.  So he’d told Gajeel and Wendy that he’d catch up with them and turned around.

Messing around with a ninja game on his phone as he passed the gym, he almost missed the voice coming from the alcove by the locker rooms:  “Please don’t… I really don’t want… Stop…”

Natsu paused, frowning, turning to the side, and squinting down the dark space.  There seemed to be two forms there, one pushed up to the wall, the other pushing.  

“C’mon, don’t deny what you want…”

“Please leave me alone,” the voice from before repeated more desperately, and Natsu realized it was the one against the wall.  A more curvy silhouette… A girl.  Being threatened by…

In a flash, Natsu rushed forward, flipping on the light switch and shouting, “Hey!  Whaddya think you’re doin’-- Lucy?”

She looked almost pained and near tears.  The creep was holding her legs in place with a foot, wrists with one hand.  He looked athletic, meaning he was probably plenty strong enough to restrain her.  Natsu eyed the location of the guy’s other hand, and rage flashed in his vision.

Without thinking, he took a swing, slamming his fist into the face of the guy and sending him sprawling.  Standing over him, Natsu hissed, “You keep the hell away from her, you disgusting bastard.  And you can bet I’ll be reporting this.”

Slowly and groaning, the guy rose, eyes narrowed at Natsu.  “The juvenile delinquent, huh?  Wouldn’t think you would try to get in the way.  It’s none of your business.  Leave and forget you saw anything, if you know what’s good for ya.  I’ve got the whole basketball team to back me up.  A bit more substantial than inmates.”

“Leave and forget my ass,” Natsu snarled, instinctively standing with his back closer to Lucy and readying his fists.  “I’ll pummel the whole team by myself if I have to.  You’ve heard about me.”  Natsu smirked at how the guy took a step back.  “You know what I can do to you.  I suggest you beat it before I change my mind about letting you step outta this school without blood pouring from places of your body that you didn’t even know existed.”

The creep backed to the door.  “D-defend that hoe all you want… She’s askin’ for it, and she’ll get it one of these days…”

“Is that a _threat?_  And don’t you dare talk about her like that,” Natsu growled, starting forward, but the guy turned tail and ran.

There was a moment of silence in which Natsu let his adrenaline rush die down, listening to Lucy’s hitched breathing.  When he turned to face her, she covered her eyes.  He knew she was trying not to cry.

“Hey… Sorry to scare you like that,” he muttered nervously.  He wanted to just wrap her in an embrace and tell her it was all going to be okay, but he figured touching another guy that was considered a creep would be far too much for one day.

“N-no.”  Lucy drew a shaky breath, finally looking up from her hands.  “Y-you didn’t scare me… thank you.  Oh God, I thought he was going to… and I would… Thank you.”

“It’s… no problem,” he said hesitantly.  “Would you… like a hug?”

She made a sound that was either a laugh or a sob.  “Y-yes…”

So he obliged, being as gentle as he could as he hugged her.  “Sorry that happened.  And don’t listen to that guy -- you’re not a… well you know.”

“I feel so helpless,” Lucy said into his collar.  “He was just too strong and-”

“It’s okay,” Natsu said, unsure of anything else to say.  “It’s okay.  It’s not your fault.”

They stayed that way for a minute, Natsu trying to keep his breathing and heart rate level at a normal pace, as if he didn’t know he was holding the girl he’d daydreamed about talking to for two years.

When she inched back slightly, he let go, stepping back a few feet and putting a hand behind his neck.  “Look, em, I know you don’t know me very well, and most people would laugh and run away at the suggestion, but… I could walk you home, if it would make you feel any safer.”

He’d never noticed just how big and brown her eyes were.  “You… you would do that?”

“If… if it didn’t make you uncomfortable.”

“I-it wouldn’t.”  Lucy quickly pressed the backs of her hands to her eyes, the shimmer of drying tears smeared on her cheeks.  “L-Levy says you’re a good guy… and I trust her.”

“Well I’ll warn you; she also thinks I’m obnoxious.”

“I can handle obnoxious.”

* * *

Apparently, Lucy was loaded.

Her mansion towered over the landscape down an impressive, wooded path.  It looked… empty.

“Well, em,” Lucy said, meeting his eyes.  “This is me.  Thank you for everything.”

“It was no problem.”  Natsu offered a grin.  “Stay safe, alright?”

“Yeah.”  She returned it.  “And maybe… I mean, if you’re up for it, you could… walk me home again sometime?”

“Tomorrow if you want,” Natsu said, flushing at just how quickly he’d said it.

“That would be fun,” agreed Lucy easily.   He saw her fingers tighten on her backpack straps.  “And… safe.”

“That too.  I guess I’ll… see ya tomorrow?”

“Count on it.  Thanks again.”  And she disappeared inside the door that closed with an echoing thud.

Natsu made it to the end of the forest path before he punched the air and let out a whoop.

* * *

Closing his locker, Natsu was instantly greeted by the beautiful face of Lucy Heartfilia.  She smiled… had she just dropped by to talk to him?  They were some of the only two in the hallway, as everyone was heading to the lunchroom.

But through her smile, she frantically whispered, “ _Help_.  Please.”

He quickly glanced over her shoulder to where sure enough, that tool from yesterday was closing in.  Ah.  She just needed help.  “Of course.  Let me walk you to lunch.”

With a touch to the shoulder to get her moving beside him, they made their way to the cafeteria.  And when her hand slipped into his, Natsu had a sharp intake of breath, blinking at her in surprise.

“Don’t… get the wrong idea,” she muttered hastily, pink dusting her cheeks.  “I kind of just want him to know that I have your protection.  Until I learn to defend myself, that is.  I’m going to take some martial arts classes.”

Feeling like a cotton ball was in his throat, he struggled to swallow.  “S-sure.  Right.”

* * *

The dry, winter wind nipped at Natsu’s cheeks as he neared his mailbox, tugging it open and peering apprehensively inside.  A stack of letters greeted him, and he snatched them up, shoving them in his backpack, before rushing inside the house.  

“Ah, so the straggler returns!” Gildarts boomed once Natsu entered, triggering a roll of the eyes.  “What were you up to, hooligan?  Might that big smile be because of a person of the _female_ variety?”

Natsu found it a huge relief to return home every day; Gildarts was the chief of police that had offered to foster Wendy and Gajeel once they’d been discovered in their hideout.  While he hadn’t managed to keep Sting and Rogue with them, Gildarts had fought hard to take in Natsu once he’d been released from juvie.  When Natsu had apprehensively walked out of the place, promised to see his cousins, he’d been greeted with a hug from Wendy, looking so much older, and a ruffle of the hair from Gajeel, who’d almost smiled.  Then Gildarts had been there.  

Natsu had only seen him a few times before while incarcerated, but Gildarts had only smiled at him and ushered him to the car with the assurance of a warm bed and meal upon their arrival.  He’d been astounded when his new foster father had asked about _him_ ; not the stuff he’d done to get himself locked up, but his favorite things to do, his wishes for a new home… Gildarts had treated him like a son from the beginning, even buying him a rescue cat the day after Natsu had mentioned liking animals.

“ _No_ idea what you’re talkin’ about,” Natsu now deflected with a grin, sliding onto the stool beside his sister who was rolling cookie dough into little balls.  “How was your day, Wen?”

“We dissected a frog,” she replied cheerily.  “One boy in my group ran to throw up and Romeo didn’t want to touch it, so I got to do it all by myself!”

“That’s awesome!” Natsu congratulated, patting her back.  “Did you get to see all the _guts?_ ”

“Oh yes!  The intestine-”

“Why’re ya talkin’ about intestines while eatin’?” Gajeel grumbled as he tromped down into the kitchen.  

“We’re not eating,” Gildarts assured him.  

Gajeel pointed dully at Natsu, whose cheeks were currently filled like a chipmunk’s with dough.   _Traitor._

Gildarts smacked Natsu’s reaching hand from the bowl.  “After dinner, ya little twerp.”  After putting whatever food he was attempting to make for them in the oven, Gildarts turned back to him with a mischievous smile.  “So, about this girl…”

“Who said anything about a girl?” Natsu muttered, fingers inching towards the nearest dough ball.

“Gajeel, Cana, and Wendy,” his foster father replied.  “She pretty?”

“I just walk her home so that more creeps don’t go after her; it’s not like we’re dating or something.”  

“Never said that.”  The grin only widened, making Natsu glare.  “I just asked if she was pretty.  Do most people assume you’re dating?”

“See ya for dinner!” Natsu said rather than answering, hopping off his stool and bolting up to his room.

As he pulled the door shut to the messy room that he and Gajeel shared and jumped onto his bed.  The truth was, the walks with Lucy were getting steadily more amazing.  He’d made her laugh tons of times today, and when he knew he had a walk home with such a nice person, a _friend_ , the aggravations of a school day didn’t really bother him anymore.

But as for now, Natsu was sure he was about to get something that would make his month.

Taking the mail from his backpack, he carelessly threw the bills and ones addressed to Gildarts to the side, finally ending up with a letter labeled with _Crocus University of Fine Arts._  Every other school in the country hadn’t accepted him… but a school solely for the fine arts, the only one in Fiore, would have to give him a chance.

Taking a deep breath, he tore open the envelope, and ripped the letter open.  His eyes skimmed past all the meaningless, fancy words and to the one part he wanted to see…

_...will not accept._

Natsu stared and blinked several times.  That couldn’t be right.  

He reread the letter, knowing he must have missed something.

But only those words came back to him:   _will not accept._

It was suddenly hard to breathe.  Natsu gripped the paper so that it crumpled and he shoved it under his pillow.  

There was a kind of numbness that spread from his hands as he stared blankly at the wall.  His stomach was clenching in a way that made him want to throw up.  

No job would hire him, no college take him… what was he supposed to _do?_  Natsu’s throat hitched; there was literally no future ahead of him.  Nowhere to find a second chance because of some stupid crime he didn’t commit.

Maybe if he’d lived in America, even Great Britain, he’d have me opportunities to strive for a better life after one ‘mistake’.  But this was Fiore, and forgiveness was not easily handed out.

He slowly lowered to lay on his bed, arm over his eyes.  What was he going to tell his _family?_

Jaw clenching, Natsu put his arm down in resolve.  He wouldn’t let it end like this.  He’d make an appointment, talk them into taking him.  There was no way he could bear to tell them that he didn’t…

No.

So Natsu picked up his phone, looked up the number, and called.

* * *

 “...absolutely love that book -- it was so suspenseful when he was walking through the castle to kill the king-”

“Oh yeah, but I didn’t really like the ending,” Natsu commented to Lucy as they neared the bottom steps of the school, ready to head to her house.

“You like to  _read?_ ” she said, halting mid-step.  She had her hair down today, a white, winter hat over it and in some jeans, a matching coat over her sweater.  Snow drifted onto her eyelashes.  He didn’t know how she managed to look prettier every day, but he came to only expect her to achieve the impossible

“Well.”  Natsu tugged at his scarf bashfully.  “I always read Wendy bedtime stories when we were little, and we read in the library together… I wasn’t very good at it for a while, but I got to like it once I got better.  We still read together.”

“That’s sweet,” Lucy said.  So was her smile.  “Hard to find a guy that reads in this school.  Why didn’t you like the ending?”

“It was ridiculous,” scoffed Natsu, putting his hands behind his neck as they leisurely strolled along.  “He had a dragon, with massive wings, and yet was dramatically claiming that he’d never return?  Then the author took four huge books to build up the romantic subplot and totally ends it with nothing.  I think even I could’ve written it better.”

Lucy stiffed a nervous laugh with a gloved hand.  “I… wrote a fanfiction alternate ending to it.”

“Seriously?  Where?  I wanna read it!”

“No, it’s too embarrassing…”

“C’mon, I need a version where Eragon isn’t as selfish…”

She tilted her head to the side.  “Selfish?”

Natsu raised an eyebrow as they walked along, nearly passing sight of the school.  “Well he was, wasn’t ‘e?  If he’d been thinking of anyone but himself he would’ve made something work.  He would’ve figured out that other people needed him, and he made them sad by leaving-mmph!”

He didn’t really understand what was happening, but suddenly she was kissing him and he stopped breathing and she was warm and she had soft fingers and she smelled like honey…

Hesitantly, he rested a hand on her waist, kissing her back until she finally backed away.  Natsu’s eyes stayed closed, frozen until he finally blinked them open.  “Wh-wha…”

“I saw that creep in my math class that keeps asking me out,” Lucy said, glancing around quickly.  “Sorry, first thing I thought of to do.”

Natsu swallowed, croaking out, “I-I didn’t see o-or hear anyone…”

“Really?” she said quietly, leaning up close.  “I’m sure there’s _someone_ over there…”

As she kissed him again, Natsu found that he didn’t even care; he was pretty sure that even if it wasn’t real, it was amazing and he wasn’t about to lose this chance to show her just how much he loved her.

* * *

His fingers shook as they clenched the folder.  Natsu had managed to get in a small meeting with one councellor in the university without telling Gildarts where exactly he was going.  He gone three hours to Crocus on a Sunday.  This was his chance.  He would talk the school into it.

The secretary lady smiled when she opened the door.  “Doctor James will see you now.”

He nodded, running a hand through his hair and straightening his scarf.  

The doctor dude was one of those straight and proper guys, a crisp suit and perfectly combed, gray hair.  He only glanced up through his spectacles when Natsu entered and sat across from him.

“Natsu… Dragneel, correct?” the man drawled, and Natsu nodded quickly.  

“Yes, sir.  I-”

“Come to change our minds about your rejection?”

“Yes, sir.  Just-”

“Well you can forget it, kid,” the doctor sighed.  “Our letter is our final decision.”

“Look, I know my record is rough,” Natsu countered, “but I really could be a good student here.  I work hard, and here’s some of my stuff-”

“Mr. Dragneel, I met with you only because of how insistant you are -- you didn’t seem like one to take a ‘no’ until it was said to you straight out.  So here it is:   _no_.”

“But sir,” Natsu pressed, standing up.  “I’ve gotten a personal recommendation from my teacher, and-”

“So have many of our talented applicants,” the teacher interrupted lazily.  “Our policy does not change -- no university in the educationally blessed country of Fiore accepts juvenile delinquents.”

Natsu’s throat tried to swallow.   If he were the old Natsu, he would’ve slammed his fist onto the table and shouted ‘bullshit’ so loud the whole building would’ve been able to hear him.  But he was sure that Natsu had gotten lost along the way.  “That’s…”  He couldn’t manage to get his voice above a whisper.  “That’s not all I am.”

“It is as far as we are concerned.  Now I respectfully suggest you see yourself out of my office; I have a notable applicant waiting outside that has received a full scholarship.”

Natsu looked at him, clutching his portfolio closer to his chest.  “Thank you for your time, sir,” he said, hearing his voice somehow distantly.  

“And thank you for _wasting_ it.”

When the door was opened by the secretary, he found himself nearly running head into Gray Fullbuster.

The two stared at each other for a moment.  Natsu didn’t even know what he was feeling, or why he let out a laugh.  “Of _course,_ ” Natsu said.

Gray looked away, but it didn’t keep Natsu from seeing the pity in his eyes.  He’d obviously heard everything.

“Gray?”

“Yeah?” Gray replied, looking both apprehensive and ready for a fight.

But Natsu only offered an attempt at a smile.  “Good… good luck.”

And he walked away.

When Natsu reached the outside of the building, he breathed in the chilled breeze, lowering to sit on the step.  He gripped his rose-colored hair, closing his eyes.

He didn’t want to go home.  Not when he’d just failed everyone he’d ever loved.

But he stood, walked to the corner for a cab, and did it anyway.

* * *

“Hey, Fullbuster!”

Natsu saw Gray turn from his sculpture to look at him questioningly the following morning, clay smeared all over his face.  “Is this about yesterday?  Look I… I’m sorry that-”

“No, it’s not,” Natsu cut him off.  “Feels like barfing to ask you this, but I need a favor.”

He hesitated.  “What’s is it?”

“You have your acceptance letter with you?”

“Um… yeah…”

“I need to borrow it.”

The sculptor raised an eyebrow.  “Borrowing or foraging my letter won’t get you in, you know…”

“I _know_ that.”  Natsu rolled his eyes.  “I don’t need to forage it to convince the school; I need it to convince my family.”

“That still won’t get you in, and they’ll find out-”

“I don’t care!” he burst, gripping his paintbrush so that he was sure it would snap.  “I have my reasons -- it’s none of your business, okay?  Can I see it or not?”

After a few moments of a steady stare, Gray said, “It’s in the first pocket of my black binder.  Try not to get paint all over my stuff.”

“Whatever.  And th… thank you.”

He snatched the paper out and took a picture with his phone.

* * *

Natsu knew Lucy wouldn’t be done with her defense training until four thirty, but he’d finished in the studio early, so he’d walked there anyway.  

Even if his school situation that took up most of his mind space wasn’t the prettiest, Natsu smiled at the thought of _her_.  He didn’t know exactly what the two of them were, but maybe… just maybe, she was seeing him as something more than what the world thought.  Maybe Lucy saw him as he saw her.

He walked down the short hall to the room she was in, contented to wait outside and out of sight until she finished.  He was about to take out his phone to distract himself when he heard a voice, one he recognized as some girl in their English class, from inside the room say, “Sooo, Lucy, are you and that Dragneel guy dating?”

Natsu’s eyes widened, and he listened carefully to her defensive response.  “No!  Of course not.”

He winced.

“Oh really?  Then why have I seen you two walking everywhere together and making out?”

“H-he walks me home to protect me until I can defend myself… and I just did that to make a creep go away!”  Lucy’s voice was hasty, embarrassed.  Did he… _embarrass_ her?

“Oh sure.  You do realize that he’s a creep too, right?  He was put in juvie for nearly killing a guy for some cocaine.  I hear he graffitis stuff-”

Natsu snorted.  As if he could _afford_ spray paint.

“-and steals and skips class-” added another girl.

Natsu glared at the wall.  He had everything he needed at home.  Why would he steal?  And in his defense, he’d had the stomach flu for a week.

Someone else chimed in, “-and sleeps around a lot.”

Natsu nearly laughed at that one.  Hell, he’d never even been on a _date_ before.

But Lucy wouldn’t believe this stuff… right?

“H-he seems fine to me…” was Lucy’s response.  

“Honestly, Lucy, it’s like he’s stalking you,” the first girl said seriously.  “Probably waiting for the right time to-”

“Natsu’s not like that-”

“And he just looks creepy.  I heard he’s a pyromaniac too-”

“Look, can you stop-”

“If you keep hanging around him, I’m just sayin’, hun, it could end up badly.  Like he could be some crazy rapist-

“Fine!” Lucy suddenly burst, and Natsu didn’t need to strain to hear her.  “I took this class so that I wouldn’t have to walk with him and his smile is creepy as hell and he’s annoying and gross and I can’t stand the guy!  Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Natsu choked on air, feeling as if he’d just been viciously kicked in the gut.  

“Oh good, I was starting to get worried that you liked the guy!” the first girl laughed, making Natsu put his back to the wall and slowly slide down.  “Okay, well, hopefully this next move will get him if need be…”

“Yeah,” he heard Lucy mutter.  “Okay.”

Natsu waited outside.  

There was a small bench he sat at, though he ignored all the cheery passers by, bustling back home while the sun set.  He kept his head bowed, staring at his worn sneakers.

_His smile is creepy as hell… annoying… gross… can’t stand…_

Pulling his arms tight to his stomach at the nauseous feeling swirling within it, Natsu sat with his knees up to his chest.  Maybe he just shouldn’t smile anymore.  Even Lucy thought it was creepy…

Annoying… well he knew he was annoying, but he’d thought she hadn’t minded.  That she hadn’t thought he was disgusting and maybe…  maybe she could care about him anyway…

Who had he been kidding?

She walked out the door, the bell above it ringing as she smiled down at him.  She hadn’t put on winter wear yet, but Natsu guessed it was because of the heat of exercise.  “Hey, you’re here early!”

He cleared his throat and wearily stood.  “Um, nah, just got here…”

The walk to her place was silent.  She tried to start up conversations several times, but Natsu only made grunts or single words in response.  After all, he didn’t want to annoy her or creep her out more than he already had.

For the first time, Natsu was so glad they reached her house, so that he could go home…

“Natsu?”  She stood uncertainly at the door as he began to turn away.  “You’ve been so quiet and you look upset… What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”  He took a step forward, but she caught his arm and spun him to face her.

“Natsu, you can trust me,” said Lucy.  Oh, how he wanted to…

“Look, em,” he began sloppily, unable to look her in the eye other than split-second glances.  “I-I know… that we… that this is j-just for your safety and… and nothing more.  I guess I knew… I-I knew you wouldn’t want to be my friend.”

“Wh-what?  Nats-”

“I’m okay with that,” he croaked in interruption, gripping his scarf.  For some reason, his hands were hurting.  “I agreed to that.  I just… When we’re… we’re walking home, don’t feel like you have to…”  Natsu struggled to make his voice work.  “Please don’t pre-”  He let out a weak laugh glancing up at her and back down again.  “-pretend… that you’re actually… enjoying yourself.”

Lucy’s eyes were uncomprehending, probably wondering how he’d found out just how much she hated him.  “I…  I don’t…”

“Good night.”

When he got to the end of the forest, Natsu let out an echoing, strangled shout of frustration, hurt, anger.  He just yelled as he punched a tree as hard a he could.  Over and over and _over…_

 _Stupid._  He’d been so, _so_ stupid.  Had he actually… he’d actually had the nerve and absolute moranic delusion that a girl like her could care about him?  She was beautiful, kind, wonderful… he was a _felon_ for God’s sake.  The fact that he was innocent didn’t matter; he was a delinquent and annoying and the amount of people that would give maybe a single crap if he died he could count on one hand.

Stupid.  So, so, _so_ stupid.

When he finally arrived home, soaking from the sleet, Gildarts looked up from where he’d been sitting on the nearby couch.  “Natsu!  You’re so late!  Dammit, I gave you a phone so that you’d answer it -- I’ve been calln’ and worried, ya little shit!  We put off dinner and are heating it up again.  You look freezing!  And- oh hell, what happened to your hands?!”

“Huh?” Natsu said, still a bit dazed.  He glanced down at the blood coating the backs of his hands.  “Oh… Just fell weird on the street.”

“On your knuckles?  C’mon, Natsu -- who’d you get in a fight with?”

“A tree,” he answered shortly.  “Sorry I worried you.”  And he trailed up to his room, ignoring his foster dad’s baffled expression.

With a sigh of exhaustion, Natsu dropped his backpack and pulled his shirt up over his head.  After rummaging around for new clothes, Natsu threw himself down into his spinny chair.  Gajeel was probably in the garage again, working on his truck.  A perfect time to get this dirty work done.  Flipping open his laptop, Natsu took out his picture of Gray’s acceptance letter and began to type.

Half an hour later of perfecting and several yells that it was time for dinner, Natsu folded his newly printed document carefully.  

“Hey, Pops!”  Natsu shouted out, putting on a face that he hoped mimicked excitement and thundered down the stairs.  “Look what I got!”

Gildarts seemed to have forgotten about his anger.  “What is it, kiddo?”

Handing over the fake letter while his cousins and Cana looked on curiously, Natsu held his breath.  

“Accepted?!” Gildarts said, his whole face lighting up as his eyes followed the sentences down the page.  Cana and Wendy made these squeaking noises, and Gajeel had the ghost of a smile.  “Natsu, this is amazing!  I knew you’d make it, buddy!  We’ll have to go out for some ice cream tonight, won’t we?”

He tried to keep smiling as Gildarts pulled him into a hug, the two girls running to embrace him as well.  But Gildarts said in his ear, “I always knew you were gonna do somethin’ great, kid.  I told ya, see?  I’m so proud of you…”

And Natsu hid his face in his foster father’s shoulder to hide his pained shame and longing.  He’d never wanted too much out of life, but he knew he was wishing too much when he prayed that in some miracle, this was real, and his family could be proud of him for something he’d actually managed to do.

* * *

Natsu didn’t know how he managed to pull through the next morning.

Every second seemed to drag.  No longer having Lucy’s smile to look forward to made every whisper his direction hit twice as hard.  And for his family… He still didn’t know what to do when he would be forced to reveal his lie.

“Natsu!  Natsu-” Lucy was saying, trying to catch up with him as he made his way to English.   But he turned his head away, pretending that he hadn’t heard her.  Looking at her would only make it worse.

It wasn’t until his art studio class that he felt as if he could breathe.  He lashed out with the most intense, red paint he could create, slashing across the canvas to make a raging dragon.  

In the room he remained even after the bell for lunch rang, his dragon getting ever the more wild by the second.  He felt the wetness of the crimson splatter on his cheeks and he didn’t care for one moment-

“Natsu?  Aren’t you going to lunch?”

Snapping out of his craze, Natsu looked up from his easel, seeing his art teacher, hair up in a messy bun and appearing rather concerned.  He only shook his head distantly in response.  “Nah I’m… I’m fine…  Not hungry.”

Instead of turning away, she pulled up a stool beside him, placing her hand on his to stop the brush.  “You’ve been looking more miserable for the last few days.  What’s going on?”

“Just a little tired,” he muttered, gaze locked on the fire spewing from the mouth of his dragon.  “That’s all.”

“Natsu,” the teacher said, and he looked up at the emphasis she put on his name.  “You can talk to me.  I’m not going to tell anyone.”

He blinked.  He bit the inside of his cheek, almost as if to keep his mouth from opening.  Then-

“I’m just tired,” he repeated, “of everything.”

“Everything?”

“This school, my own stupidity… I’m tired.”  And he continued to paint.

“Well, you will be leaving to that art school next fall.”  She smiled, and Natsu grimaced.  “Gildarts emailed me about it last night.  He was so happy--”

“That wasn’t _real!_ ” Natsu finally burst.  “I _foraged_ that acceptance letter.  He’s happy about a lie and that’s the best a criminal like me can hope for.”

She’d sat back a bit in surprise.  “You… foraged it?  Why?”

“Because…” Natsu struggled, choking to find the words.  “B-because even if… even if it wasn’t real, I wanted to see them proud of me… just once.  So that maybe I could pretend for a second that… that the years Gildarts spent putting up with me weren’t a complete waste of his time.”  His hand was too shaky to hold a brush any longer, and he put it down.  “But he’ll find out soon enough, and realize just how stupid it was of him to keep me around.”

“Natsu!” his teacher said, sounding appalled.  “Don’t say things like that -- he loves you!  Your cousins do, and your friend does too.  Lucy is such a sweet girl-”

“She doesn’t care about me.”  Natsu looked down at the red smeared down his fingers.  “She never did.  I was stupid to think she could.”

“Natsu, you don’t know that-”

“Actually, I do.  I’ve heard what she says about me.  That I’m annoying, gross creep that she hates being around and…”  His stomach was hurting so _badly_.  “...and she’s just using me to keep other guys away for a while.  I’m just a decoy.  Her friends think I’m a crazy rapist.”

“Oh, Natsu…”

“I would never hurt her,” he found himself saying quietly.  “I never saw her as a… thing.  She’s a person.  A nice person.  I would never hurt her.”

The quiet that settled over them was nearly too suffocating for him to bear.  Then the teacher asked hesitantly, lightly patting his stained hand, “You really like her, don’t you?”.

“I’m in love with her,” Natsu stated simply, effortlessly.  “But it doesn’t matter.  She’d only… only be d-disgusted if she… if she knew…”

“No one is disgusted by love, Natsu,” she said quietly.

“They are if it’s from me.”

Natsu rinsed off his brushes in his dish and swung up his backpack.  The conversation was over.

* * *

Frowning, Natsu opened the text from an unknown number on his phone.  It seemed to be an audio recording, but he shrugged it off and shoved it back into his pocket; probably a wrong number.  

Trudging to his usual back table of the library for study hall, he tried to turn his back to the rest of the room.  But, of course, Lucy had to sit within his sight, making it impossible to focus on his chemistry.  She was only in a sweatshirt and unkempt hair today, bags under her eyes making it clear that she hadn’t slept well, but she was radiant as ever.

While fighting between trying not to think about her and jotting down a few equations, it took him a few minutes to realize that people were pointing at him and giggling.  He was used to the stares but… this seemed unusually widespread.  He glanced around quickly.  People had in their earbuds from their phones, sharing the two little speakers for them to hear as they laughed.  

Squinting, Natsu skimmed over to Lucy, whose friend tapped her shoulder and passed over an earbud, biting her lip with a grin with eyes flicking towards him.  From where he sat, he could see Lucy look confused as she accepted and put the earbud in, the text that her friend opened up with a familiar number…

The audio text.

Natsu seized his phone and plugged in his own headphones, tapping the text so that he could listen to it at the same time.

The file began to play, and Natsu’s heart nearly stammered to a halt in horror.

He heard his own voice, rough through the recording.  “. _..my own stupidity...  I’m tired._ ”

He heard his teacher’s voice answer.  Natsu remained frozen, staring at his phone.  Wondering who had eavesdropped.  Wondering why anyone thought this was funny.

Natsu swallowed.  Of course it was funny; the delinquent was even more of a failure than they’d thought.

But then… the part he dreaded most…the part he prayed wouldn’t be heard...

“ _I love her.  But it doesn’t matter…_ ”

Oh God, please no.

Slowly, he looked up to Lucy from the screen.  She was staring back at him, the look on her face only appalled.  

“ _She’d only… only be d-disgusted if she… if she knew…”_

Time seemed frozen.  Her eyes were wide, shining.

_“No one is disgusted by love, Natsu.”_

He saw Lucy grip the table with white knuckles.

_“They are if it’s from me.”_

And that was it.

Natsu grabbed all his things, quicker than he’d ever moved before, shoved it into his backpack, swung it over his shoulder, and took off at a fast walk to the library doors.  Laughter followed behind him.  He had to get out.  He couldn’t stay.  He couldn’t breathe.

The eyes on him were weights as he tried to make it to the doors.  Natsu couldn’t seem to get there fast enough.

He burst out through the doors and into the snow, running down familiar streets to get to the only place he’d ever felt truly safe.  

It felt like he’d been holding his breath since he started running home, but he finally released his lungs when he practically fell into his house.  Dropping his backpack, he dazedly walked through to the yard, where he walked up to the hill, watched the sun streak its rays across the sky, and sat under the old maple tree.

Natsu stared straight ahead for a long time.  Too much.  It was all too much.  The hate.  The love.  The lie…

He had to get out of here.

Putting his face into his hand, he drove himself into shock when he considered suicide.   _No._  Natsu shook his head. _I won’t take the easy way out._

Neither was he one to run from his problems, but what other choice did he have?  Either way he’d break his family’s heart, but at least if he left, he wouldn’t have to see it.

 _Coward,_ he mused.   _I’m a coward._

What did it matter?  That’s what criminals were.

 

* * *

 

“What do ya think you’re doing?”

Natsu immediately stopped packing his backpack with a few changes of clothes and spun around.  Gajeel was laying lazily on his own bed, twirling a screwdriver in his fingers.  Natsu hadn’t even noticed him in the room.

“What’re you doing here?” Natsu asked gruffly, turning back to his bag.  “It’s none of your business.”

At this, Gajeel sat up, glaring intensely  “It is my business.  You’re my cousin.  My foster brother.  I came home once I saw the text and heard that you’d left the school.”

“Go back to school.”

“After you.”

“Since when do you care?” Natsu hissed, slamming his backpack onto his mattress.

“Natsu,” Gajeel muttered.  “I’m not your enemy, here.”

“And you’re also not my therapist.  Lay off.”

After a few moments of silence, Gajeel said, “You running away?  You know, that really makes you a-”

“Coward, I know.  I don’t expect you to understand.”

“We were on the streets together!” Gajeel burst, standing up.  “Who would understand better than me?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe someone who spent two years locked up and treated like dirt in a jail cell-”

“Don’t play victim --  it’s not like you-”

“You’re not me!” Natsu shouted back.  “Now screw off.  You can’t stop me and I’d be more than willing to beat your ass if you try.”

“Gildarts won’t get mad at you, ya know.  He’s in the office now, probably being held back from beating the guy who recorded you to a pulp-”

“Gajeel-”

“An’ Lucy don’ hate ya.  Here, look at what she said on Facebook a few days ago-”

“Leave me the hell alone!”

“You don’t wanna do this.  Just cool down -- take some time to think.  I know I can’t stop ya, but just think of Wendy-”

“I’m done thinking.  She’s better off without me here!”

And Natsu stormed out the door.

* * *

He didn’t know how long he walked, or exactly where he was walking to.  All Natsu knew was that it was dark, he was cold, and every breath in his lungs seemed to be difficult to achieve.  

For some reason, when he snapped out of his cloud of numb misery, Natsu found himself standing by the tree before Lucy’s house, staring up at the window where he knew she was.  He could see her shadow, at her desk, probably writing.

She was right.  He was a total creep.  Hell, he was standing outside her _house_.

But he hadn’t even realized he was here in the first place.  

Maybe he just needed to see it one more time…

And Natsu turned away, walking back down the path to the road as quickly as possible so that she didn’t happen to see him.  He needed to get to a bus station before the night was through.

As he neared the end of the driveway, he sighed, drawing his black hood up over his head to ward away the wind, scarf pulled up to his nose.  Plugging in his earbuds, he set his old iPod nano on shuffle and continued to walk to the other side of the street; he’d left his phone so that he couldn’t be tracked.

 

_Oh simple things_

_Where have you gone?_

_I’m getting old_

_And I need something to rely on_

 

_So tell me when_

_You’re gonna let me in_

_I’m getting tired_

_And I need somewhere to begin_

 

_So if you have a minute why don’t we go_

_Talk about it somewhere only we know?_

_This could be the end of everything_

_So why don’t we go_

_Somewhere only we know…_

 

Natsu stopped when he heard a new sound, loud enough to pass through his blasting music.

He turned, saw, that his hood had been hiding the blaring light coming towards him.  Saw the headlights, the sharp shine of the snow plow on a fast-moving truck.

In a split second, he saw Igneel playing with him by a lake, himself and his cousins shivering in an alleyway, using newspapers and one another to keep warm, putting his hands over his ears to block out the shouting of death threats in the prison courtyard, Gildarts ruffling his hair, Lucy, laughing with shining eyes.

In a split second, he realized that he wanted to go home.

In a split second, he gave a wry, tired smile.  Natsu should have known that all of this was leading to his end.

There was a single flash of pain, and it was over.

 _It had been over since I'd picked up that bat_...

The first flash of pain, to Natsu’s surprise, was followed by a second as he crashed to the ground and into the brush.  Pavement scraped against the side of his face and hands, and he heard someone cry out.

There was a warm thing on top of him.  A body, in fact -- one that slid off of him with a groan and laid with her back on the ground, breathing heavily.

Still shaking, Natsu slowly turned his head to see Lucy beside him, hair strewn out on the snow.  Her chest was moving up and down rapidly with pants of adrenaline, matching his own racing heartbeat.

_Heartbeat._

He was alive.

Lucy had tackled him out of the way.

With apparent difficulty, Lucy pushed up to a sitting position.  The truck was long past, and she shook snow out of her hair, gazing down at him.  “You almost got hit by a snow plow!” Lucy screeched, making him back away slightly on his elbows.

“But I _didn’t_ ,” Natsu grumbled, shoving his haphazard earbuds into his coat pocket.  “And in my defense, you nearly just did too!”

“What did you do that for?!”  
“I didn’t _try_ to get run over!  Geez.”

“How about a ‘thanks for saving my life, Lucy!’” she mimicked in a mocking, deep voice.  “You don’t wear dark clothes and a hood and turn on music in the middle of the road, you absolute _idiot_ , Natsu!”

It took blinking some melted flakes from his eyes to realize that she was on the verge of tears.

“I...I thought you might have… and I’d never get to…”  She let out a sob, and clapped a hand over her mouth to muffle it.  Natsu’s eyes were wide.  She was only in pajamas and a pair of slippers, like she’d ran out of her house.

“I...I’m sorry,” he murmured.  “I should have been more careful.  Thank you, Lucy.  Please don’t cry…”

He was nearly bowled over again when she jumped on him with a hug, squeezing him tightly with shaking arms and breaths.  “Don’t… don’t do that.  Ever again.”

“Okay.”

“A-and don’t just waltz out of school like that or ignore me or run away without even explaining…”

“Okay,” repeated Natsu.

“You promise?”

“I promise, Lucy.”

As she backed away, he continued to stare in confusion.  Why did she run after him if she hated him so much?

“Oh no,” she squeaked then, reaching up to turn his chin.  “Your face got all scraped up!  Oh, it’s a bloody mess… C’mon, let’s get to my house and patch you up.”

“I-I thought you didn’t want me to…” he started, “...and your dad…”

“He’s never home -- you know that,” she mumbled, helping him stand.  “I’m inviting to to come into my house and get all cleaned up.  Now let’s _look both ways_ before we cross the street.”

Rolling his eyes, Natsu followed her lead as they jogged back across the road.  The walk to her house was silent.  He could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn’t bring himself to meet her gaze.  Not after today.

Her house was elegant and extravagant to the full, large, Roman pillars gilded with gold and grand, marble staircases which she led him up and to her room, which, upon entrance, looked to be about half of the second floor.  It was a comfortable place, decorated with light colors of blue, yellow, and white.  Books lined the walls, and her bathroom took up about a third of the space.  It was warm.

“Wait here,” she commanded, pointing to her bed.  “Right here.  Don’t you move.  Take your winter stuff off and make yourself comfortable.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He sat, tapping his foot and glancing out the window while he slid off his backpack, coat, gloves, and hat.  Once he’d gotten over the initial shock of almost dying, the humiliation was beginning to set in within Lucy’s presence.  She’d heard his whole confession over recording.  No wonder he couldn’t bear to look her in the eye.

Lucy hurried out with a first aid kit, beginning to wipe down the blood and dirt smeared on his face.  He winced, but made no other expression or sound.  It didn’t hurt nearly as bad as everything else.

For a while, all that was heard was the whistling of the frigid wind through the pines outside her window.  Then, Lucy finally said, “Why did you run?”

“Just seemed like the best option,” Natsu muttered.  “I know it was cowardly but… I couldn’t think of what else to do.”

“Your family will understand.”

“I let them down.  I doubt they want to see me after lying to them.  Well, Gajeel saw me, but it wasn’t exactly a friendly encounter.  Probably hates my guts.”

“That’s not true.”  Lucy set down her washcloth and began to break out the antibiotic salve.  “After you ran he came back to school.  He found out that it was that guy that assaulted me that had made the recording.  Gajeel single-handedly beat up the entire basketball team and cussed them out in front of the whole school.  None of the teachers even bothered to stop him.”

Natsu stared at his mud slicked hands.  “He… he did that?”

“Yes,” Lucy said quietly, applying a bandage to his face.  “Gildarts was so angry at that guy when he came out of the office after hearing the recording.  Wendy set up awareness on social media to look for you and support you.  A few minutes ago, Cana called me.  Told me to look out for you because since you were a sentimental guy, you may come around to see my house one last time before going somewhere.  So I ran out to look for you.  And you were walking into a truck.”

All these things they did for him… He could’ve lost all that in a split second.  

Why did he ever think the love of his family wouldn’t be enough?

“Thank you,” he whispered.  “I know I’ve made things really hard for you and embarrassed you…”

“Okay, this is my main problem,” Lucy interrupted, glaring so hard that he felt his eyes burning.  “Where the hell did you get the delusion that I don’t like you?  I asked you to walk me home, held your hand at every chance, I kissed you, I made it so obvious… you said you ‘heard what I said’ about you.  When was this?”

“In your lesson for self defense,” Natsu said, bewildered.  “I came early and heard you say that I was annoying and-”

“I said that to make them shut up!  I asked them if that’s what they wanted to hear, not tell them they were right.”  Lucy was blushing furiously by now.  It was pretty cute.  She wiped down his hands with her gentle ones.  They were still cold.  “All those weeks of me constantly being unable to help but want to be around you all the time…”  

She sighed, head drooping.  “I shouldn’t have lied.  A real friend wouldn’t have said that no matter what.  I’m r-really… really sorry, Natsu.  I was just feeling so pressured and wanted them off my back and became a total pushover.  I can understand if you don’t want to hang around me anymore but… none of that was real.  I didn’t mean that.”

“I forgive you,” Natsu said instantly.  All she’d said had made him feel lighter than he had in a long time.  Natsu wasn’t one to lose trust after one bad choice.

“Oh thank God… But then why can’t you still look me in the eyes when you’re talking to me?” Lucy demanded.

Grimacing, Natsu muttered, “The… things I said.  That you heard.  I’m sorry.  I never meant for you you hear that.”

“Why?” demanded Lucy fiercely.  “Are you ashamed of having feelings for me?”

“Yes.”  He shrugged helplessly.  “A lowlife criminal, in love with a beautiful, well-liked girl?  I’m out of my place - OW!  What the hell, woman!”

She’d slapped him across the un-bloodied side of his face.  “Don’t say ridiculous things like that!  Who cares what they say about you?  You’re my best friend and a good person and I’m completely in love with you so stop with the-”

His brain shorted out as she squeaked and covered her mouth.  Natsu blinked.  “What?’

“I-I… well, it’s true!  A-and it’s really obvious so don’t go acting so surprised!” stammered Lucy, twisting her hands in her quilt and staring at the wall behind him.

It took  a few moments for him to even comprehend what she’d said.  In that amount of time, she seemed to calm her anxious breaths, and look at him so gently he nearly melted.  “Do you still want to leave?”

As if he could control it no longer, he shot forward, left hand braced on the bed and his right cupping her face when he pulled her into a tender kiss that made his head spin to dizzying heights.  He felt Lucy sigh as she tangled her fingers into his hair.  

Natsu’s senses burst into overdrive; she still held the sharp scent of winter, hair and skin smooth as they brushed against him when she tilted her head to kiss him ever the more deeply.  

Natsu didn’t know how long the kiss lasted, but when he reluctantly backed away, he felt it imprinted in his mind.  After a few breaths, he set his forehead against hers, tucking a golden lock of hair behind her ear.  “No,” he whispered.

Lucy’s nose tickled his when she slid off of the bed and took his hand.  “Then let me walk you home.”

He smiled.  “I obviously need protection, huh?”

“You sure do, you little snow plow magnet.”

* * *

“YOU LITTLE SHIT!” was the first thing Gildarts cried out when he saw Natsu at the door with Lucy at his side.  “WORRIED THE CRAP OUT OF ME!”

Natsu couldn’t help but snigger when Gildarts hugged him harder than he’d ever been squeezed before.  “Sorry ‘bout that, Pops,” he wheezed.  “Took a walk and… got lost.”  Gildarts released him, holding him out at arm’s length to look him over.

“I found this lost puppy wandering down the road in the middle of the night, hood up, music on, and almost getting hit by a truck,” Lucy said, jerking her thumb in Natsu’s direction.

“How many times have I told you to not walk at night without reflective gear?” Gildarts growled, now beginning to suffocate Natsu with his embraces.

“Sorry, Pops.”

“Gajeel told me you were running!  I had to stay in the office longer to deal with his suspension for beating up twenty guys-”

“Sorry, Pops.”

“-then I had to make sure Wendy stopped crying so that I wouldn’t keep crying and make sure Gajeel stopped raging so that I wouldn’t start raging and make sure Cana lightened up on the mourning booze so that I would too-”

“Sorry, Pops.”

“-a-and I thought I might never see you again and tell you that I don’t give a damn if some dumb college won’t let you in or some job because you’re my kid and you’re a good kid and who cares what those stuffy professional people say ‘cause you’re the best kid out there, dammit-”

“Pops-”

“-and if some girl listens to bullshit other people say then she’s not worth it and dammit, Natsu, you didn’t even tell me people were tormenting you like this -- I woulda beat ‘em all up ‘cause you’re my favorite youngest son ever-”

“I’m your _only_ youngest son-”

“-don’t you ever do that again, you little piss ant, or I’ll chain you here and keep you forever and I love you so freaking much -- I love you so, so much and-”

“DAD!” Natsu finally shouted.  “I’m okay.  It’s cool.  I’m home.  I love you, too.”

As Gildarts gazed down at him, eyes sparkling with tears, Natsu heard a scream back in the house, and a flash of blue nearly toppled him over.  Wendy latched around his middle and sobbed into his chest incoherently.

“Sorry, Wen,” Natsu said quietly, smoothing down her hair.  “I didn’t mean to worry you.  I wasn’t thinking straight.”

She said nothing, but then Cana was there, tossing her empty bottle down and stumbling out to growl and squish him from behind with arms that were a lot stronger than they looked.  “Dad is right; you are such a lil’ shit.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Natsu laughed, trying to elbow her off.  

At last, Gajeel’s boots echoed ominously on the porch as he stood over Wendy, glaring down at Natsu with a ferocity he’d never seen before.  Natsu matched the stare, at least, until Gajeel brought up a fist and slammed it over the top of Natsu’s head.

“OW!  Man, is getting almost hit by a snow plow and being tackled and humiliated and slapped not enough for one day?!” Natsu yowled, rubbing his head.  “I’ll knock off your-!”

“There will be no more fighting if you don’t wanna face my stun gun, boys,” Gildarts warned.

“If you hadn’t come back, like a filthy coward,” Gajeel muttered so that their dad couldn’t hear.  “I woulda tracked you down and mashed you into kindling.”

“Is that a challenge, ya gear-headed-”

“Natsu,” Gildarts interrupted, raising his eyebrows at something off to his side.  “Aren’t you going to introduce your... friend?”

“Ooo,” Cana slurred, “Natsu brought a giiiiiirl hooome…”

“A _girl_ brought _Natsu_ home, Cana,” Lucy grumbled, but she shot a bright smile at Gildarts.  “Hello, Mr. Clive.  I’m Lucy.”

Wendy stepped back, furiously wiping her eyes, and Natsu looked between the two.  GIldarts slowly turned to him with a smirk and a wiggle of the eyebrows, at which Natsu punched his dad in the arm.

Putting an arm around her shoulders, Natsu added, “I walk her home sometimes and she saved my life.  The recording thing was a misunderstanding.  Can she stay for dinner?”

“Can she stay forever?” Gildarts asked.  

“Dad.  Stop.”

But the family only laughed, and their father said, “Of course she can.  Lucy, I can’t thank you enough for leading him home.”

“It’s thanks to Cana that I found him,” she credited.  “Thank you for letting me borrow him these past few weeks.  May I rent him out some more?”

“Like on a few dates?” suggested Gildarts.

“Sounds good.  Name your price.”

Gildarts considered, “Weeell… I’d say about two dinners for you at our house for every date.  That’s the cost with Levy, too.”

“Mostly reasonable, but-”

Natsu finally lost it.  “Will you two stop bargaining over me like I'm livestock and _feed me?!”_

* * *

While the night before had been filled with laughter and comfort, providing Natsu with the strength to get back on track, he nearly had a panic attack walking back into school at the pure power of the memory of yesterday.

But he then remembered that he had nothing to fear; his family and Lucy were at his side, soon joined by Erza, Levy, and even Gray.  They formed a kind of protective barrier around him as they marched through the halls, daring any aggressors to come closer.

Natsu grimaced when a large group finally pushed through his friends in their hurry to get somewhere, separating them, and he felt several slaps on his back as they passed.  He recognized it: the ‘kick me’ sign planting.

But when he reached back to grab the paper from his shirt, he was faced instead with five notes:

 

_You’re really cute._

 

_I’ve always loved your hair._

 

_Your paintings are amazing -- I stop and look at them in the halls all the time!_

 

_Your smile is so adorable.  I hope to see it more!_

 

_I’ve always thought there was more to you than what they said.  Don’t let the haters bring you down, Natsu!_

 

“Wh-wha…?” Natsu muttered in wonder, feeling his cheeks warm as he re-read the scrawled messages.

The rest finally gathered back around him, peering over his shoulder to see.  Lucy’s hand slid around his waist when she gave him a smile that was the sunshine.

“What did you expect?  It’s MNS Day,” she told him.

“What is that?”

Shyly, Wendy shuffled up, “Well… Lucy and I had this idea… and people all over the internet were sending these messages and worried about you when they heard your story -- a lot from this school.  So we decided… to make today the official ‘Make Natsu Smile Day’.  So many people thought what that guy did to you was terrible.  See?”

Dumbfounded, he followed her pointing to his locker.  Notes had been taped, messages scrawled in dry erase marker, all wishing him a good day and giving him more compliments than he’d ever seen in one place.

“People… did this for me?” Natsu muttered, eyes scanning over the various handwritings:

 

_I wish you talked more, because when you do, you’re really funny!_

 

_You’re in my prayers._

 

_That recording and these rumors were inhumane and awful -- I’ll back you up._

 

_We’re so glad you’re home safe!_

 

_We should hang out sometime -- you a Playstation guy or Xbox?_

 

_I’ve always thought you were really attractive…_

 

_It’s like all those people completely dehumanized you and I was stupid to believe them.  You sound like a really caring and sweet person.  I hope to get to know you better._

 

_YOU ARE LOVED!_

 

Natsu blinked away the tears he hadn’t even realized were forming, turning back to his family and friends.  For once, his eyes were not darkened by the burdens of words thrown at his back.  For once, he saw love radiating from their smiles.  For once, he felt completely, overwhelmingly safe.

It wasn’t over.  Looking in their eyes, he knew all of this was only a beautiful beginning.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Worn sneakers padded down the faded asphalt, gripping the ground as if they knew their home.  The young man walked past lines of foliage and gravel on either side of the street, not ceasing until he arrived across from the end of a long driveway.

Against what most would deem reasonable, however, he stepped out not to cross the street, but to stand exactly in the middle.  The road was quiet.  Nearly empty as it always had been; he’d not seen a car for miles around.

Adjusting his scarf, Natsu smiled, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.  Not a thing about the setting had changed since that four years ago.

Nothing but the night, the snow, and the beautiful girl that had tackled him into it from this very spot.

Natsu shifted his feet on the blacktop, looking around him to insure there were no approaching cars.  But he didn’t want to move for the moment.  He needed to do this.  Stand here, right here, again, and remember what he’d thought that night.

He’d thought it was the end.

He had felt… relieved, yet hopeless.

But now… His heart was warmer than it had been then.  After four years of college for the arts in Italy with the money he’d gotten from the jobs he’d been offered after his near-death in high school…

He knew now,  if there was another truck, he wouldn’t stand there to accept some twisted fate.  

Natsu would run like hell.

Closing his eyes, he breathed in the familiar summer scent of Magnolia.  He’d only returned mere hours ago after his graduation and return flight.  After his house, this is the first place he’d wanted to go.  

The fulfillment of standing in that same spot, unburdened, was exhilarating… except the feeling was dimmed.

With a sigh, Natsu opened his eyes.  He was there, made anew, but as for the one who had convinced him to keep going in the first place…

He hadn’t seen her in nearly four years.

Off at some genius college in America, surely.  Far away from Natsu, as her father had desired once he’d found out that his daughter had a pink-haired delinquent for a boyfriend.  But Natsu knew… he’d see her again.

While he felt he should be excited to see her, as he reached Magnolia and considered the idea that she may be in the area, only dread had clouded his mind.  She was the most beautiful and kind girl in the world… surely she’d gotten some other boyfriend, maybe even married…

Which would be a problem.  Because he was even more insanely in love with her than he had been the last time he stood in this one patch of asphalt.

Thinking of her bubbling laughter and the smooth brush of her hands when she kissed him, the way her eyes would light up when talking about stories or how he’d love to listen to her speak for hours about anything at all…

A loud skidding sound and the blaring honk of a horn behind him brought him stumbling back to reality, spinning to see a truck, having stopped only a few inches from hitting him.

“You almost got hit by a truck!” screeched an amazingly familiar voice.

He could only watch as she swung down from the driver’s side of the little, blue pickup truck.  Her hair had grown longer, every feature adorning her only more splendid, but irritated expression the same as he’d always seem in his dreams.

“But I  _ didn’t _ .”  Natsu could only smile.  “And in my defense, _ you’re _ the one that almost hit me with a truck, ya weirdo.”

Lucy’s face changed as she gave out a sudden sob, slamming the door shut and running at him.  She jumped on Natsu with such force it nearly knocked him clean off of his feet.

There he held her a foot off the ground with a tight embrace, rocking back and forth.  He buried his face into the crook of her neck and felt as if he could breathe freely for the first time in years.  

“I missed you,” Lucy whispered.  “So much.  I’m so sorry… I wanted to write and call but my father blocked your number from me and your siblings' and I didn’t know your address and you didn’t know mine and now-”

“Shh… hey, I figured.  I knew you would if you could,” he murmured back, smoothing golden hair over her shoulders.  

“I came back and checked your house, but they said you went for a walk -- I thought you might be here.” Lucy said. 

“Just needed to see this spot again,” he told her, holding her out by the shoulders to smile at her.

His hands slid off of her shoulders when she put hers on her hips.  “But in the middle of the road?!  You idiot -- you’d think you’d have learned by now!”

“Probably,” he laughed, bashfully pushing a hand through his hair.

He watched Lucy look him up and down for a few moments.  His nerves lingered on how he hadn’t shaved in a few days, how his hair was probably all messed up from the wind, how he was taller than he had been…

“Looks like life has been treating you well,” she said finally with a gracious smile.

“Well, I passed my classes and learned Italian, so I guess that counts.”  

“C’mon inside.”  Lucy linked her arm around his.  “My dad is on a business trip; I’m just staying for a few days until I can find an apartment.  I’ve got some food in the truck.  Also found a new anime to show you, if you’ll show me a little Italian, that is.”

“You had me at at ‘food’.”

When she’d parked, they’d raced up to her room with the food, slamming down onto her bed and flipping on the TV.  Strange, how they could act as they always had after so long.  They did as they had the last time he’d seen her -- each ate a half of a small watermelon, gorged on a bag of Doritos, and binge watched for nearly two hours on Netflix before Lucy finally paused in between episodes, taking a large chug of her juice box.  

“So,” she began casually, leaning back against the window pane, “meet any cute girls in Italy?”

Natsu swallowed, but tried to match her tone.  “Eh, some were pretty, yeah.  How about guys in the States?”

“They were alright.”  She shifted her gaze to him from the side.  “Italy seems to be a good place for dates.”

“Yeah.  Got asked on a few.  New York was probably pretty exciting for night life too.”

“It was,” she admitted, picking up her seventh juice box.  “I prefer Fiorian men, though.  Italian women more your type?”

“Nah.  Never accepted the dates.”  His fingers tapped on his knees with anxiety.  “All the women there had the same problem.”

“What was that?”

“They weren’t you.”

Lucy set down her drink slowly, flushing as she twiddled her thumbs and eyed her bare feet.  “Well you know… You don’t have to have that problem anymore.”

“You think so?”

Kissing her for the first time in four years was like a breath of fresh air.  The feeling was so natural, comfortable, when he sighed in ecstasy and gathered her closer to him.  She smelled the same, of honey, and felt the same as she cupped his face and moved her mouth against his.

It was minutes before they broke apart, and he rested his forehead against hers.  “Ti amo,” he said quietly.  “ Ho pensato a voi ogni giorno.”  

“What?” 

“You asked for some Italian.” Natsu grinned.  “I said that I love you, and I’ve thought of you every day.”

Sliding her fingers around his, she looked into his eyes, calculating.  “You seem a little older.  More content.  But you’re still that wild, dorky boy that randomly is very sweet, aren’t you?”

“That hasn’t changed,” he said.  “You haven’t changed a bit.”

“Not really,” admitted Lucy, shifting so that she sat at his side and rested her head on his shoulder.  “When I went to your house earlier, I ran into these two guys on my way to your porch.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah.  They said they were your cousins, Sting and Rogue, from before you went into foster care, coming to your graduation party.  I asked them if you were home, and they said you’d better be, because they hadn’t seen you for years.”

Natsu’s eyes went wide, thumb that had been making circles in her palm coming to a halt.  “Were they… did they seem… happy?”

“They did,” Lucy told him.  “Smiling, healthy-looking.”  After eyeing him for a moment, she leaned back again and said, “They said something, when I told them I was your best friend.  They said ‘then you’ve probably heard that we’re douchebags’.”

He glanced at her quickly.  “Hmm.  Weird.”

“Yes…”  Lucy traced shapes into his hands absently.  “I thought so too, because you’d only mentioned them as silly little kids.  I told them that, and they seemed surprised.  They said something about how it was amazing that you’d forgiven them after you’d been framed for what they did.”

“Ah.  That.”

She dropped his hand, raising her eyebrows at him.  “So?  Is it true?  You’re innocent?”

Natsu only shrugged.  “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“Because,” he answered slowly.  ”I knew you didn’t care either way.  And when I was around you…. I didn’t really care either.  It’s not like I was keeping it from you -- I just didn’t think it was important, and your dad wouldn’t have believed me if I’d told him that anyway.”  Fingering his scarf, he said, “As long as I knew I was innocent… I was satisfied.”

There was a weighted silence in which he was afraid that she was angry with him, but soon, she was hugging him about the waist and rolling her eyes.  “You sure are something else, Natsu Dragneel.”

“Yeah, somethin’.”  He smiled.  “So, about that graduation party… I think Gildarts would cry if you didn’t come.”

“Probably,” she sighed.  “I guess I’ll just have to stay all night.”

“I guess so.  And maybe tomorrow.”

“Yup, probably will have to do that too.”

“And then maybe forever.”

She stood, holding a hand out to him.  “Maybe.”

And as they got into Lucy’s truck to head back to his home, Natsu decided that someday, he’d make that maybe into a definitely.

The truck’s radio was crackly when Lucy turned it on.

 

_...I need somewhere to begin _

 

_ So if you have a minute why don’t we go _

_ Talk about it somewhere only we know? _

_ This could be the end of everything _

_ So why don’t we go _

_ Somewhere only we know… _

 


End file.
